This third tip requires you to watch a 60 second YouTube video here. Parent often want to talk with me about boundaries and consequences. There are numerous possibilities, but the best one to use comes at the end of this video.
Have you ever tried to calmly address an issue with your child? And suddenly find yourself in a heated argument about something that has nothing to do with what you were initially trying to achieve. Going off on a tangent or changing the topic is a great
Happy New Year! Thank you to everyone for their kind words of both support and constructive criticism of the newsletters and videos I have created over the past year or so. I’ve had a few people ask if I could give some practical tips that work. I’ve also had feedback that people particularly like it
“W.A.I.T.ing”: In their own time
I took my cautious 5 year-old son to a BMX track recently. He was keen to be there, but for the first few minutes he just stood and watched the other kids zipping around the track. I felt like calling out, “Go on mate”, but I kept my mouth shut.
“What we obtain too cheaply, we esteem too lightly” Thomas Paine (1737-1809)
Many children get lots of things without much effort. If you look through bedrooms or playrooms, you will probably find many items that have been not treated with respect.
It is common in my practice when talking with a young person to hear that they have been bullied. The experience of being bullied produces doubts about whether they are safe enough, good enough or whether they will get enough. And the emotions produced include fear, anger and emptiness responses (reptile brain) as well as insecurity and demoralisation
Unity is important; “I” is ok, but “we” is stronger.
Your love for your child is personal (“I love you”). But when it comes to boundaries, “we” is a better option. Saying no to a child’s request usually leads to disappointment.
The younger a child is, the more they tend to focus on only one part of a problem, and the more certain they are that they are right. One of our roles as a parent is to gently but firmly help our kids be evenhanded and discover there are two sides to most things.
Vanessa and I have just sent the manuscript for “The Good Enough Teacher” to our wonderful editor Miriam Cannell, so hopefully it will be coming out this year sometime. Thanks to all who have given feedback on the initial drafts, or who attended the teacher seminars and gave feedback. It didn’t happen over night…but it did happen.
Someone recently asked me about “time out” and whether I thought it was useful. Like many of my answers, it began with “It depends…”
Time out is a particularly useful option if you or your child have fully flipped your lid. If fear / anger have taken over, then the reptile / survival brain is running the show.